I Made It!

So on the 23rd of May, study leave began. I did my exams, and then, on the 27th of June, I finished. Everything. It feels weird. And I actually have time to write again.

I started going to my school when I was in year 7 (6th grade for Americans) as a chubby, socially awkward 11-year-old. I've now left school as a chubby, socially awkward 18-year-old - so in some ways not much has changed. I'm still shy and not good at dealing with social situations, and I'm still not that much into conspicuous consumption despite going to school with several people who stand to inherit the family business, live in swanky parts of North London and own 6 ponies.

In some other ways, a lot has changed. When I first started school full-time, I was naive and paranoid about what people would think of me. Today, after much misanthropy, I no longer give a fuck about what people think of what I do (mostly because they always disapprove), I'm so hellishly cynical I have to keep a lid on it for most people, I'm a musician (and when I was 11 no-one could have guessed that I'd be any good at music) - and perhaps most sadly, I'm trying to manage a chronic mental illness. (Odd story: the person who triggered it may not have done so well in his exams.)

School has been a formative experience for me: I've learned an awful lot of things - some more comfortably than others. I've learned how to debate, how to sing, and how to survive without going mad from misanthropy. (Well, hopefully.) I've had an awful lot of things happen to me - I was bullied continuously for about 4 years. But at the same time, I've also met friends and acquaintances whom I won't easily forget, and had a lot of fun memories.

In truth, though, I think I really needed to leave. By the end of my last year there I didn't really want to stay: when you're an adult, even just a young one, you need to be treated as an adult and given far more independence than a tiny little boarding school would allow. I grew to detest at least one teacher for quite frankly being patronising as all holy fuck, and I told anyone who would listen how I couldn't wait to leave.

Still, in the end I made it having learned a lot and being minimally messed up in the head. Which is something, I guess. And I'll miss the friends I made there and I'll cherish what I've learned, but it really is time for me to go off and be more independent now.