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Showing posts from April, 2017

One of those Days

It's one of those days.

I have too many deadlines, the world is run by overgrown toddlers who are going to get us all killed, and May's just called a general election.

Bleh.

I can't hide my cynicism about this. And on top of everything, I would have to be depressed, because the best way to react to turmoil in my life is to stop being a functional human being.

I've been to my GP and am now sitting tight on a referral, but the service is apparently overstretched because the NHS has no money. Right now, all I can do is wait for them to process my reference and see if they think I'm mental enough to qualify for their help.

In the meantime, I've been trying to be proactive, because it beats being miserable and not doing anything. Because I still more or less trust the NHS, I looked at some of their resources for self-care, where they suggested self-help books.

I'm not opposed to self-help books when used in conjunction with some kind of therapy and when they'…

Further plot twist!

...actually, the positive thinking sort of worked. Well, not quite, but sort of.

What worked better for me wasn't trying to cultivate a happy happy shiny shiny attitude. It was doing what my body told me to do and getting some sleep. It was doing what my mind told me to do and getting out of the house to see some green space.

It was seeing my amazing boyfriend and holding him, spending time with him, spending time just talking and making music and exploring new things.

It was realising that I have really, really good friends, who care about me and actually want to spend time with me.

It was realising that all of those things have been there since the beginning and I'm only just noticing them.

It was going to parties and dancing badly and ending up covered in my friend's soft toys.

It was diving deep into physics books and connecting with what made me love physics - with the strange and beautiful and elegant ways of viewing the world - and drawing on that to study hard for …