Vivat Libertas

...so you should get over it. That's the "logic" most people use. Life's not fair and never will be, so accept it and move on. That's what they say. And I would normally say "that's rubbish". However, right now I am sick, spaced-out, having difficulty connecting to my emotions, and generally just being a sad, snappish, generally disagreeable sack of shit, so I think I'll pass on any attempts at mildness and civility and just say fuck that . With a shovel. I'm not disputing that life is unfair - I know this for a fact. Everyone old enough to have been screwed over while complete bastards roll in the riches of life knows this for a fact, or they're lucky or deluding themselves. Or possibly both. What I am disputing is the notion that no-one should do anything to change this and that we should all just learn to live with it, not least because people who say that the world should  be fair are whiners . And no-one likes a whiner , do they?...

Right, so this is me being a bit of a pseudointellectual twat. Just bear with me for a blog post. You can skip over it, honest. I believe that all living things die and that death "feels like unconsciousness" - it will be nothingness. I won't even notice I'm gone. At the same time, since I don't want to die yet (I don't fear death, I just don't feel like it right now), it chills me that one day I'm going to lose consciousness forever, and I rail against it. Though I know life is meaningless, I still ask why I was born and developed consciousness if I must inevitably lose it. At times it does look better to just die - quite apart from how I'm wasting resources just by being alive, I've also cocked up the art of living so many times I may as well just say I'm a failure and leave it there. No point in carrying on...but, strange as it seems to me, someone who's become accustomed to having no reason to live and frankly not liking it very m...

Increasingly, I find myself wanting to die young. This isn't because I'm depressed, or because I have some kind of death wish. It's because I think that a short life full of worthy acts (such as protesting) is better than a long, quiet life lived doing essentially nothing (i.e. what most people do), and because I fear growing old. But why would I, a future scientist - not a model or actress - fear growing old? Because as well as being a future scientist, I might just be a future activist. I've gotten myself involved (foolishly, some might say) with radicals and motivated people. It's...it's best described as enlightening. I've learnt so much that I never could have in the classroom; I've met people from all walks of life who share my crazy views, and it doesn't matter that other people think us crazy because at least our beliefs can get a proper airing here. I try to think critically, evaluating everything I come across, and I try to join in the ...

Again, this was written while I was off at the JACT Summer School , and I haven't edited it in the slightest, which is why it might read a bit weirdly. I freely admit it; I know nothing about like. I am young - too young, some people say, for my opinions to be worth anything - and inexperienced, and, being a teenager, people say that I'm prone to melodrama. I also freely admit that I know nothing about my purpose in life, and I have very little idea of how to make one for myself. I am too young to be free - which would help - but I'm too old not to believe that fundamentally, life is meaningless. We exist because however many years ago someone fertilised an egg and the resulting ball of cells was carried to term and lived; our only purpose is to make as many more balls of cells as we can, and if we reject that we have nothing. Bleak diatribe aside, I'm not treading any new ground here. I'm not treading any new ground either when I say that I find it wonderful ...