Snark Soup for the Cynic's Soul

I really can't help myself. Though I'm wildly idealistic about half the time, I really can't stand glurge or so-called inspirational messages. I'm really just too cranky for that kind of thing, especially today for some reason.

I know some people like Sarah Kay's work. I personally, ignorant little thing that I am, hadn't heard of it until today, but "If I should have a daughter..." didn't really make a good impression on me. It's here if you want to take a squiz:

So yeah, it reminds me far too much of all these "words of wisdom" which may be words, but certainly aren't wise, or accurate, or really anything good in this world. And in the interests of snark, saving what's left of my sanity and unleashing my creative juices upon the universe, I came up with some annoying, patronising and hilariously bad "advice" - though given that this is my rather odd and quirky style, there are several twists.

Wear suncream unless you don't mind looking like a lobster.

Life is somehow boring and absurd at the same time, but mostly it's overrated. And pointless.

Death is also overrated.

Hell, most things are overrated.

Logic tends to really, really help.

Social boundaries are worthless. Flout them at every step and do what's right for you.

If you're feeling shitty, a sunny day will probably make you feel even shittier.

Most people are stupid and prejudiced, but somehow they still love you...And there are a couple of good ones out there, really good ones, who will put up with you for reasons I've so far failed to identify, let alone understand. They are amazing. You will probably find them.

Nobody knows where to look for anything.

Think before you speak, even if you've got a penchant for innuendo and things that aren't innuendo but should be.

Nothing lasts forever.

The universe is probabilistic, not causal, and also thoroughly chaotic. In other words, luck gets you further than hard work and bad things happen for no reason.

The universe hates everyone equally, but it hates some people more equally than others.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel...followed by another tunnel.

If in doubt, make fun of something.

Don't allow people to think for you. They're probably wrong anyway.

Happiness and health are not virtues. Defiance is, though.

Nothing is sacred.

Take pleasure where you can find it.

Suffering is not redemptive.

Rain doesn't wash everything away. And, well, neither do cheesy metaphors.

The world's not made of sugar, it's made of...well, a lot of stuff. But not sugar.

Cynicism is underrated and damn fun!

The only people who make these lists have too much time on their hands. Ignore them roundly. That includes me.