(trigger warning: suicide) On Suicide

This is a very big trigger warning for suicide. Now that I've warned you, read on at your own risk.

I really hate to do yet another suicide post, but it's come to my attention that people still need educating about it despite the amount of information out there. Hopefully this will just be short and sweet.

Suicide is selfish. Not true. People who kill themselves aren't selfish, they cannot bear life and have heavy burdens to carry (whether external or internal). I would argue that it's more selfish to try and keep them alive without respecting them and trying to help them.

Contemplating suicide is weak; people who kill themselves are weak. Untrue. Firstly, the claim that contemplating suicide is weak is the claim that thinking about a certain action shows weakness, and how does that make sense?! Not to mention taking your own life is much, much harder than it looks due to little things like self-preservation, and that people don't normally kill themselves without, you know, a reason - or many good reasons. Suicidality, and near-constant suicidal ideation, are hellish things to live with (not to mention being an indicator that something is wrong, rather than an indicator of weakness) and it's not surprising that people do take their own lives because of it.

People saying they're suicidal or making failed attempts are just doing it for attention. Pervasive, but wrong. I tend to believe people saying they're suicidal having been there myself and having known that it's generally something you keep secret unless you're pretty desperate for someone to understand; a failed suicide attempt doesn't necessarily indicate attention-seeking either. It probably indicates something's gone awry with the attempt. Besides, if you want attention there are much better and more effective ways than hinting at suicide or actually ending your own life - have any detractors actually considered this?!

Lastly, I would like to challenge anyone who says things like that to live as a suicidal person for as long as it takes them to understand. One day, one week, one month. One year, perhaps, if they feel brave. I would like to challenge them to live without treatment or support, as I have lived for most of the past three years. I would like to challenge them to be constantly suicidal and self-destructive, day in, day out, and have to repress those urges for the sake of family and friends. I would like to challenge them to see how they could stand living feeling like nothing - feeling emotionless, or like a big, empty ball of psychogenic pain. I would like to challenge them to feel like they're at the end of everything and can no longer go on, or that they're past caring. I would like to challenge them to be too scared and ashamed to get help. I would like to challenge them to barely know how it feels to want to be alive again, and to know even less about what it means to be normal - whatever that is.

Okay, maybe not; maybe that's a bit cruel. Actually, that's definitely very cruel. But this is the sort of lifestyle that a suicidal person, or a person struggling to control their suicidal urges, might live. I know this because it's been more or less my lifestyle for a couple of years now - and I consider myself one of the lucky ones for being a privileged and mild case! It's not my fault I got sick (because it is a sickness), and I did nothing to deserve it. I'm just stuck with it for now and I might be stuck with it forever, through no fault of my own.

So instead of preaching bullshit about suicide, have some compassion for those of us who want to end our lives. We didn't want this; we did nothing to bring such hell - because wanting to destroy yourself is hell - upon ourselves.