Further plot twist!

...actually, the positive thinking sort of worked. Well, not quite, but sort of.

What worked better for me wasn't trying to cultivate a happy happy shiny shiny attitude. It was doing what my body told me to do and getting some sleep. It was doing what my mind told me to do and getting out of the house to see some green space.

It was seeing my amazing boyfriend and holding him, spending time with him, spending time just talking and making music and exploring new things.

It was realising that I have really, really good friends, who care about me and actually want to spend time with me.

It was realising that all of those things have been there since the beginning and I'm only just noticing them.

It was going to parties and dancing badly and ending up covered in my friend's soft toys.

It was diving deep into physics books and connecting with what made me love physics - with the strange and beautiful and elegant ways of viewing the world - and drawing on that to study hard for my exams.

I feel like me again, for the first time in weeks. The real me - the person who lives and breathes for learning more about the world - not the sleep-deprived lab-hating shell of me.

I want to keep feeling like me.