One of those Days

It's one of those days.

I have too many deadlines, the world is run by overgrown toddlers who are going to get us all killed, and May's just called a general election.


I can't hide my cynicism about this. And on top of everything, I would have to be depressed, because the best way to react to turmoil in my life is to stop being a functional human being.

I've been to my GP and am now sitting tight on a referral, but the service is apparently overstretched because the NHS has no money. Right now, all I can do is wait for them to process my reference and see if they think I'm mental enough to qualify for their help.

In the meantime, I've been trying to be proactive, because it beats being miserable and not doing anything. Because I still more or less trust the NHS, I looked at some of their resources for self-care, where they suggested self-help books.

I'm not opposed to self-help books when used in conjunction with some kind of therapy and when they're based on evidence, based on studies I've read. I've actually used one self-help book before as part of group counselling that I went through; it was quite useful, but I find self-help books preachy and moralising - trying to sum up the complexities of the human experience in a set of neat little bullet points. I'd read them if I absolutely had to, but I don't think I'll ever start reading them for fun.

A little note caught my eye as I was reading the page: apparently the studies done excluded people with symptoms of depression. What?!

I completely understand that this article was aimed more at reasonably sane people than it was at people like me, with long-term mental health conditions, but it does make things more difficult. While we're waiting on NHS treatment, we have to basically piss around trying anything, or try and scrape more money from somewhere for private care. Otherwise, it's a question of trying not to die.

It just feels like an injustice. One in four people will be diagnosed with a mental health condition at some point. That's one in four people - your family and friends and coworkers and even maybe you - who will have to negotiate for treatment which works for you or be left to scrape by, who will have to deal with ignorant or insensitive health professionals, who will have to deal with not having the resources to get the help you need to live.

We need better.