Chapter 4: Everything’s Better With Elves

Hallelujah! I finally managed to write a new chapter!
Going into serious stuff now, and I might try my hand at black humour soon. Everything said before still applies.
(By the way, if Vival isn't as snarky as I've written him, I heartily apologise and will hand the lines to another character.)

“Elves?!” everyone said, more or less in unison. Sure enough, there were about fifty elves standing in the wreck of the woods, bows raised to kill.

 “I think we know who we are,” said the one who had first spoken. Compared to the others, he was small and frail, and almost effeminate with his light brown hair and large eyes. Ceo was even about to practice throwing a flirtatious wink or two, but Teppe restrained him.

 “Excuse me,” Elmyr began, “but – well, could you give us directions to Seabloom?” Not for the first time, Neo shot him a death glare.

 The elves cast the humans some decidedly snobbish looks. “Well, we don’t have knowledge of a place called Seabloom,” the elf who had first spoken, and so far appeared to be the only one who understood their language, began. He never got to finish, however, because some of the elves put aside their bows and forcibly (if not particularly elegantly, as Neo noted with a hint of pride) took him aside, speaking Elvish in a manner unusually frantic for elves, or what would be considered almost normal speed for humans.

 “How long is this going to-“ Chikus was interrupted by Vaign slamming a hand over his mouth.

 “Elves live for far too long,” he said to his student, “and don’t feel the need to get on with things. Believe me, my boy, trying to make an elf hurry up will only get you a bunch of arrows in the face.” He stroked the scar running across his eye, making Chikus shiver.

 “Do you need time to discuss things?” one of the other elves asked.

 “No, no, we’re fine,” Neo answered, impatient to be gone.

 “Very well.” The tallest, lithest and most pompous of all the elves drew himself up to his full height, puffed out his chest and stepped forward. “Although you have wantonly destroyed this wood and the lives of innocent people, we elves are merciful and understand that humans are prone to such things. Because of our mercy, we shall escort you out of the woods on condition that you do not return.”

 “Which direction?” Laica demanded before Hermis could stop him.

 The elf shrugged, affecting nonchalance. “Any direction, really. One human town is much the same as any other, isn’t it?”

 “Have you ever been to a human town?” Laica demanded again, apparently unaware of the dirty looks Hermis was shooting him.

 “No, none of us have,” replied the elf. “Why would we?”

 “And what will happen if we enter the woods again?” Chasel asked gravely.

 “Well, we’ll shoot you full of flaming arrows, and then if you’re still alive we’ll boil you in scalding hot water. After that, we might burn some poison ivy next to your mouth and lungs,” explained the elf.

 “Hey!” Laica began. “I thought you said-“

 “Don’t bother, my boy,” said Hermis. “Arguing with elves is impossible. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

 Chasel sighed in resignation. “When do we leave?” This time the elves didn’t deign to answer him, but a slender young fellow with curly chestnut hair and darting grey eyes stepped forward, his reluctance poorly concealed. He pointed stiffly to a random direction, while Neo looked back anxiously at the baggage.

 “We need to get our things,” he explained, making a mad dash for his trunk. Students and teachers alike followed him, clutching bags and baggage like precious stones. As they set off, the elf looked at them distastefully.

 “In my culture, we don’t carry around so much,” he said.

 “Because you’re more in harmony with nature?” Vival rolled his eyes.

 “I’m so glad to see that you humans are finally understanding our superiority.”

 “Well, then how do you move lots of things from place to place?”

 “Err...” The elf looked slightly uncomfortable, and to get out of his situation he shot Vival one of the many death glares passed back and forth that day. “We should go.” He began to stride off quickly in a random direction, the others following in ragged little groups.

 “You’re a legend, an absolute legend!” Laica cried, thumping Vival on the back with great force. Georgo joined in the rounds of praise, as did Aivis, Ceo, Grisia, a slightly-nervous Chikus...even shy Demos and calm Echilan congratulated him in their own ways. Vival took their thanks quite awkwardly, curling up and even blushing a little from all the attention: he was outgoing by nature, but after all the training on how to be aloof and socially graceless, he found it hard to move in people’s circles like he used to. Still, he smiled at them, laughing and chatting about nothing in particular, and for once they all felt like a real group.

 They spent three or four days like that, the elf treating them like absolute filth and Vival and Laica insulting him as much as they could. To save themselves from their teachers’ wrath, the boys banded together, bantering and jokingly swapping choice abuse between themselves. They needn’t have worried: even with the harsh hours and their decidedly un-knight-like behaviour, the Holy Knights were loosening up and acting like a band of brothers, drinking and singing like men half their age.

 Slowly the woods began to thin out, the paths growing more like paths and less like dirty tracks. Sometimes Grisia would think he heard people talking and laughing, then whip his head round and find no-one there. The elf was growing more and more restless and clearly couldn’t wait until he got rid of the humans. The camaraderie between both boys and men was fading, too, though they tried to hold on to it.

 At last they came to a grassy clearing facing a road. The elf smiled smugly and let out a sigh.

 “Well, I’ve taken you to your human town, so here we part ways, and all I can say is I’m not sad to see you go.” He turned delicately away and sniffed.

 “What can I say? The feeling’s mutual,” said Neo, happiness creeping into his voice. “Onwards!” The kindest, most compassionate and most graceful man on the continent broke into a rude, selfish and decidedly ungraceful run, students and fellow knights following him with joy in their hearts, and together 22 men and boys rushed along the great dirty road, carrying their inhuman burdens with the help of happiness.

 They ran for a long time, tears of laughter streaking down their faces, and by the time they stopped it was already dark. A chilly breeze was blowing, and there were no travellers to be seen or heard. Grisia willed a small Light Ball into existence, trying to make out shapes and distance with its pale, eerie glow. Beads of sweat trickled down his face, but he didn’t wipe them away because he couldn’t let go of his trunk. He could barely go on: Chikus, Lesus, even Vaign struggled to plant their feet forward, and the strongest Sun Knight himself was only carrying on through sheer force of will.

 “The worst thing that could possibly happen,” muttered Grisia, “is if it started raining right now.”

 And the heavens opened.