Oh! What a Beautiful Morning
All the same, I'd rather have a day start off good and end up terrible than have a day start off terrible - because that is sometimes what happens. I'll wake up to the soft London light and all of a sudden all of the events of the past couple of years (because these years I've been sick haven't been as easy to get through) will hit me - especially the recent events. Those are the worst. Not even events - thoughts can set them off. The thoughts that utterly break me will come back to me, and they'll floor me. Cue spending the day feeling miserable before I end up admitting to someone how terrible I feel out of honesty and having them cheer me up for some reason (I have really supportive people around me, so thank you). I am sick and tired of looking at beautiful, pure, clean mornings and not having them touch me, simply because I feel too ground down, too corroded through with misery, bitter experience and stupid mistakes, too weepy, too broken, too frankly suicidal to deal with the world and my own foolishness.
...I should really stop whining, shouldn't I?