Fettered
I'm The Fettered, and I willingly admit it. I've got no religious reasons for doing this - only philosophical ones, and ones to do with my personal tastes. I shouldn't really be abiding to a code at all, only a few tenets.
I've touched on this.
I'm a questioner, too. I can't go a day without questioning someone or something. I question the political movements I hate and the causes I love. I question the ideas which are like air and water to me, which amounts to me shooting myself in the foot.
I've touched on this as well.
OK, now that the shameless self-promotion's over, I just want to say that it really, really, really, honestly does suck being either of these things, let alone both. Being fettered, otherwise known as having a conscience, means not being able to do things that you'd really enjoy doing, having to justify that to everyone else, and having to go it alone with little or no moral support. I know I sound whiny, but most people are comfortable with their decisions and have people to agree with them. I pick apart everything and try and shrug off help for the most part, which does things to a person. You can see the result.
And questioning things? That's arguably worse. You see, if you question things, you'll never get a day's rest or comfort. You'll criticise everything for empty rhetoric rather than diving deep into an idea; you'll overthink things; you won't be able to get rid of the little niggling doubts about your movement of choice, and you'll see what could - and will - go wrong ever so clearly.
I don't understand why I'm a chronic questioner, and I'd like to. At best, all I can come up with now are rationalisations rather than explanations - deeply unsatisfying for me. I don't understand why I seem to be the only one who ever really doubts things.
I don't want to give it up, though. It wouldn't be easy, and even if all this questioning isn't worth it in the end - which it might not be - I'd still hold onto it, even in my darkest moments. Call me traitor, call me turncoat, call me anything you want, but I'll keep my questions, my reservations, and my morals - what I have of them at least. At worst, they set me aside from everyone, so I'll die a special snowflake, and at best they might even help me someday.
I've touched on this.
I'm a questioner, too. I can't go a day without questioning someone or something. I question the political movements I hate and the causes I love. I question the ideas which are like air and water to me, which amounts to me shooting myself in the foot.
I've touched on this as well.
OK, now that the shameless self-promotion's over, I just want to say that it really, really, really, honestly does suck being either of these things, let alone both. Being fettered, otherwise known as having a conscience, means not being able to do things that you'd really enjoy doing, having to justify that to everyone else, and having to go it alone with little or no moral support. I know I sound whiny, but most people are comfortable with their decisions and have people to agree with them. I pick apart everything and try and shrug off help for the most part, which does things to a person. You can see the result.
And questioning things? That's arguably worse. You see, if you question things, you'll never get a day's rest or comfort. You'll criticise everything for empty rhetoric rather than diving deep into an idea; you'll overthink things; you won't be able to get rid of the little niggling doubts about your movement of choice, and you'll see what could - and will - go wrong ever so clearly.
I don't understand why I'm a chronic questioner, and I'd like to. At best, all I can come up with now are rationalisations rather than explanations - deeply unsatisfying for me. I don't understand why I seem to be the only one who ever really doubts things.
I don't want to give it up, though. It wouldn't be easy, and even if all this questioning isn't worth it in the end - which it might not be - I'd still hold onto it, even in my darkest moments. Call me traitor, call me turncoat, call me anything you want, but I'll keep my questions, my reservations, and my morals - what I have of them at least. At worst, they set me aside from everyone, so I'll die a special snowflake, and at best they might even help me someday.
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