In Defence of Love
In my own defence, I never thought I'd be writing this...I've never cared much for love or lust.
Thing is, this got to me. This was written by a girl my own age. I don't want to be a sentimental sap and stand up for love and romance, but I think that she's out of her head. Her message is quoted below.
I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I have a big mouth, a misplaced sense of integrity and hey, it's the Internet so GIFT is in effect here.
My first real crush was also a Mind Rape/Break The Cutie experience, so I can sympathise with you there. Honestly though...ask anyone and they'll tell you that boyfriends/girlfriends are quite a lot of work, even if it's nice to feel wanted. And come on, teens will be teens, i.e. act stupidly.
You're only half-right about the first bit: yes, our conception of love is fundamentally based on lust and on staying with a partner for long enough to raise a kid with them, at least in the early stages. Talk to a couple that's been married for long enough, though, and they'll tell you that you need more than just physical attraction to stay together for a long time. I know you said that you don't really have many examples of that, but take my anecdotal evidence: I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by quite a few of them.
Secondly, it's not entirely physical - a large proportion is, but again, actual adults (not teens, adults) will tell you that dating or marrying a pretty face with zero personality isn't worth it. Not everyone falls in love just due to looks either...again, I'm basing this on anecdotal evidence (and personal experience) because I can't be bothered to look up studies and because it's closer to hand.
As to why one should waste one's time? Yes, you're going to get hurt. It's not going to be pretty. Unrequited love/lust/whatever hurts. Not having someone to talk to and open up to hurts more. This is most definitely anecdotal evidence - and personal experience too.
It might be needless, but so are things like philosophy and art. It doesn't change the fact that it is THERE. And love - not just lust, actual love with the philia and agape as well as the eros - is not necessarily about kids. It's about just spending time with that one person, the rest of your life if you're so inclined. Any evolutionary benefit it may have once afforded us is now long-gone, but people have put up with that heartbreak and will put up with that heartbreak because they genuinely think they'll be happy with said person. They may be right and they may be wrong, but to them just sitting there doing nothing is worse.
I don't like being in love or in lust: it makes me act like a complete idiot. I'm not telling you that you should fall in love at the drop of a hat. All I'm saying is that somewhere out there, it exists, it is real, and regardless of what you think about it it's pointless to try and deny its existence.
The funny thing is we're both the same age, we have shared that one experience, and that I used to think like you...key words being used to. Then I actually started crushing on guys and went "nah, fuck that, love/lust must exist since I'm feeling it right now". I'm no champion of sentimentality - I don't enjoy it - but at least I recognise it.
Thing is, this got to me. This was written by a girl my own age. I don't want to be a sentimental sap and stand up for love and romance, but I think that she's out of her head. Her message is quoted below.
This troper's very first brush with crushing resulted in Mind Rape/ Break The Cutie, even though she technically didn't even have a crush on the boy in question. For years I actively avoided unnecessary contact with any boys near my age for fear of what would happen if I did like one of them and they found out. Needless to say, I may have a more biased opinion on the matter than I should.Here is my reply.
The fact that all my friends dabble in the hopeless world of dating and, as the Team Mom/ Cool Big Sis with no romantic life whatsoever, I'm usually the shoulder/chest to cry on doesn't help this view. Niether does the fact that 95% of this tropers' friends have divorced parents, and the only sets she's seen who aren't are either abusive toward thier kid or blind followers of God who are less about loving each other and more about loving thier family and Jesus Christ. And then there's all the cheating, sleeping around and apparently trying to get a boy/girlfriend simply for the sake of having a boy/girlfriend that so many teens are getting themselves into and calling love so that they can feel 'complete.' Plus apparently the only two bases for it are A) The only reason we think we feel it is because we've come to associate the baby-making process with shame, therefore we've come up with the concept of staying with your partner and calling it something way deeper than just sex in order to cancel this out, and B) It seems to be based almost entirely on physical attraction. Why waste your time getting all close, committed and secure with another person when at any given moment they could start feeling 'love' for someone sufficiently hotter than you who walks by and drop you faster than you realize what's happening? You're only bound to get hurt if you commit yourself that closely to another person.
In short, the whole thing as a concept is needless and only exists so we don't all feel like whores when we follow our baser urges. Emphasis on the 'needless' part. The world's already overpopulated and people are developing more and more sophisticated sex dolls and such, so why even bother putting up with all that heartbreak?
...Though for all that, I'll be honest and admit that I like romance as a genre. For all that's wrong and illogical and pointless about it, it's a nice little fantasy to wrap yourself up in so long as you keep some part of you firmly in reality and don't let yourself become a complete idiot.
I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I have a big mouth, a misplaced sense of integrity and hey, it's the Internet so GIFT is in effect here.
My first real crush was also a Mind Rape/Break The Cutie experience, so I can sympathise with you there. Honestly though...ask anyone and they'll tell you that boyfriends/girlfriends are quite a lot of work, even if it's nice to feel wanted. And come on, teens will be teens, i.e. act stupidly.
You're only half-right about the first bit: yes, our conception of love is fundamentally based on lust and on staying with a partner for long enough to raise a kid with them, at least in the early stages. Talk to a couple that's been married for long enough, though, and they'll tell you that you need more than just physical attraction to stay together for a long time. I know you said that you don't really have many examples of that, but take my anecdotal evidence: I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by quite a few of them.
Secondly, it's not entirely physical - a large proportion is, but again, actual adults (not teens, adults) will tell you that dating or marrying a pretty face with zero personality isn't worth it. Not everyone falls in love just due to looks either...again, I'm basing this on anecdotal evidence (and personal experience) because I can't be bothered to look up studies and because it's closer to hand.
As to why one should waste one's time? Yes, you're going to get hurt. It's not going to be pretty. Unrequited love/lust/whatever hurts. Not having someone to talk to and open up to hurts more. This is most definitely anecdotal evidence - and personal experience too.
It might be needless, but so are things like philosophy and art. It doesn't change the fact that it is THERE. And love - not just lust, actual love with the philia and agape as well as the eros - is not necessarily about kids. It's about just spending time with that one person, the rest of your life if you're so inclined. Any evolutionary benefit it may have once afforded us is now long-gone, but people have put up with that heartbreak and will put up with that heartbreak because they genuinely think they'll be happy with said person. They may be right and they may be wrong, but to them just sitting there doing nothing is worse.
I don't like being in love or in lust: it makes me act like a complete idiot. I'm not telling you that you should fall in love at the drop of a hat. All I'm saying is that somewhere out there, it exists, it is real, and regardless of what you think about it it's pointless to try and deny its existence.
The funny thing is we're both the same age, we have shared that one experience, and that I used to think like you...key words being used to. Then I actually started crushing on guys and went "nah, fuck that, love/lust must exist since I'm feeling it right now". I'm no champion of sentimentality - I don't enjoy it - but at least I recognise it.
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